Insomnia and Overeating

So tonight, I've realized something: When I'm feeling more intense emotions than normal, I tend to eat more. That seems to be my body's immediate reaction. Maybe it's a calming mechanism? Like my body is trying to distract my mind somehow?

My mind gets very industrious. I find it hard to sleep. It keeps running until it's made every connection it can. Not that it finds answers. It just makes connections and keeps going and going. I can't shut it off.

So I end up staying up late and munching. And I do this until I'm too tired to do anything but sleep.

And I'm not OK with this. This year has been particularly stressful on an emotional level, and I can tell because my late night eating habits have gotten worse and worse. Furthermore, my regular eating habits have declined as well. Meals have been one of the few times I've had to sit down, breathe, and collect my thoughts this past semester. And my weight shows it. Again, not OK with this. Why do I make dumb choices when it comes to what food I allow to enter my body and in what quantity? I've gained so much weight this semester which I didn't have to gain. And now starts the arduous process of losing it.

So now that I've realized this, what do I do? Figure out a better way to organize my thoughts? I used to avoid buying food for my dorm room so there was nothing around to eat late at night, but that doesn't really help much more either. I feel very trapped sometimes. My emotions allow me to be extremely creative. That's why I'm moving in the first place, to make use of my creativity and find employment that allows me to be creative like God made me to be. But sometimes I really don't like my emotions. I feel like I experience them too strongly sometimes, and then my body reacts negatively to compensate. I'm not all emotion, although sometimes it may seem like it. I've got a strong sense of reason as well, rationality, logic, etc. Hence this blog post. I tend to experience emotions and then hyper-analyze why I'm experiencing them the way I do.

And honestly, I just want to sleep. I don't want to eat anything. I don't want to wade through a web of mental associations, idea networks, and feelings. I just want to sleep.

And for anyone who's listening, as I've been typing this, I just made another mental association. Randomly. Chaotically. It'll probably end up as a blog post sometime soon. Great.