Halfway Done with Psychology

So it's May 21st and I'm halfway done with my Psychology Maymester so far. I've had to give a group presentation on mood disorders and have already taken my midterm. As it stands, I'm relieved. Almost finished! Just another week or so to go, and then... LA!

Reading through the Psychology textbook though, I've gotten some interesting insights into myself and the lives of those around me. I'm not psychological professional, but the book is pretty straightforward about symptoms, what is required to diagnose someone, treatments, etc. I feel pretty confident saying now that about a year and a half to two years ago, I think I was suffering from major depression. My appetite disappeared and I lost about 25 pounds within the course of a month. During the day, all I wanted to do was sleep and at night, I was so restless that I couldn't sleep at all. I would end up taking long walks at 3:00 AM in the morning around campus just to clear my thoughts, even though the process of clearing my thoughts generally exacerbated them instead. I was generally sad, but in such a way that it was hard to function. I would wake up in the morning and find myself already morose upon opening my eyes. Sometimes during my walks at night, a car would drive by, and I'd find myself thinking that if that car happened to swerve off the road onto the sidewalk and hit me by some chance, I wouldn't really mind all that much. Yeah, I'd say that qualifies as Major Depressive Disorder.

Luckily, I was able to pull out of it. I had really good friends who stuck by me most of the way. I never got to the point where I just dropped life completely. I stayed in school. I kept working. I lived life and made new friends. All of these things really helped me to stay grounded in reality during a time of my life when I could have easily just let go and stop caring about anything.

So, in hindsight, I think I was pretty lucky. A lot of people who suffer through depression can't heal without some kind of professional help. They need either anti-depressive drug therapy or some form of talk therapy to help them work through their problems. Also, many of them suffer through recurring bouts of depression. That's something that has worried me about myself in a way, a fear that one day I may end up becoming depressed again like before. It scares me to a degree. But even so, I think I was pretty lucky.

I think ultimately, I wasn't willing to go see a professional because I didn't think my problem merited professional attention. I just thought I had a severe case of the blues. Furthermore, I am an independent individual, so independent that it really bugged me on a subconscious level that I couldn't just fix myself. I think this is true of a lot of Americans. We're trained from birth to be independent and not need anyone else so that when we truly face something we can't do alone, well, we're unable to seek the help that we need from sheer pride. We're afraid of seeming weak. More so, we're afraid of actually being weak.

There's a certain stigma about therapy that we hold as a society. We view people who go to therapy as the "really messed up" ones. Or the people who are so weak as individuals that they can't help themselves. Like I said, this is very much a part of our culture. But this belief just isn't accurate for psychological problems. So many psychological problems go beyond even what we would call our "self". There are some problems that are biological, things that we didn't even realize lurked in the backs of our brains.

For example, I think my family has a depressive tendency. I've known that from childhood, although no one has ever gone to a doctor to be diagnosed. We're too proud for that. But I never once believed that this had any bearing on who I was as an individual. That's my family, I thought. It won't affect me.

Also, there are certain traits and tendencies that are taught and learned on a subconscious level even when nothing is ever overtly said. How we receive and express anger seems to be a big one. No one will ever tell you how to have a tantrum or how to bottle up your emotions until it explodes with little provocation. We just learn it through observation, usually from our families it seems. (If you're a behavioral theorist reading this for some reason, careful. Don't jizz your pants.) For example, the way I express anger is very similar to my father's. Oftentimes, my girlfriend will say that she's never seen me angry. However, I know that she's seen me angry a number of times. It's just that the way I express anger does not register as anger to her through her own experiences with anger. Hence, I think it's important for us and everyone else to know and understand the basis for their actions and just what has influenced them. This is crucial for healthy communication.

So, as I press on in this class, I'm expecting to learn a whole lot more. However, I also expect to gain more insight into my life and those around me. Hopefully, I'll be able to use these insights to help others, to form a stronger community around me, and hopefully serve others as much as I have the tendency to serve myself. The biggest lesson I've learned though is that you can't forsake community. It's so important, not only to the well-being of the community, but also to the well-being of the individual. Human beings are communal creatures, and without community in some way, well, we flounder.