I was fortunate enough this past year that my best friend showed me the film, “Little Miss Sunshine” at her house one night after dinner. I was struck by one particular scene, one of the many poignant, sincere scenes in the film, when Dwayne Hoover learns on the journey to the Little Miss Sunshine Pageant that he is color blind. To give a little background, Dwayne’s dream is to become a pilot. He yearns for it and aches for it and it’s become a part of who he is, so much so in fact, that he has taken a vow of silence until he achieves his goal. Yet, with so much sacrificed for his dream, he learns unexpectedly that he is color blind, and is therefore unable to become a pilot. The result is a scene of such sincere and heart-wrenching anguish that Dwayne’s pain becomes your own.
Recently, I’ve been reminded of this scene in my own life. I too have my “pilot” dreams, but have learned to my lament that I also have my own form of “colorblindness”. And just like Dwayne, it’s heart-wrenching.
My first instinct is to give up and find solitude in defeat. It would be really easy to whine and sulk and let depression set in, but I’ve seen that part of the countryside before and I’m done with it. It’s time to take a different road, and I’m not quite sure what it will look like. It’ll be an adventure, that’s for sure. And the good thing about this is that I’m not doomed to “colorblindness”. There is grace. There is transformation. And there is love. And where Dwayne can’t overcome his own deficits, if God so wills it, I will.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, but I feel like I should. I guess I just needed cathartic release, but what I really need is belief. I need people to believe in me, because I believe in me. I’m just waiting for the rest of the world see me the way I see myself, and in the process, I want to learn and grow better from them as well. Just don’t write me off, world. Whatever you do, don’t write me off.
